Slippery Slope

I've noticed that the holiday season sometimes turns out to be prime time for people to "slip" from the program. There's that great pressure to paste on an "I-love-the-world" smile, no matter how you feel. There are those year-end reflections about what it all means. And there are those reunions with family that sometimes turn out to be something less than a Norman Rockwell painting.

I've seen a cavalier attitude emerge here and there regarding slipping during the past few years. I've even heard some people go so far as describe slipping as "part of the process." I don't buy it. As far as I'm concerned, more than one AA member has been love-bombed all the way to the undertaker's suite on that euphemism.

I have an extremely strong opinion about slipping because someone very close to me got into a habit of slipping, and so far, has not made it back. He had six years sober. He was one of the people who inspired me to come into the program. He had completely rebuilt his life. He had gone from generating no income to being a co-owner of a small business. He was a joy to be around. He was "living large" as they say.

Then, about three years ago, he slipped.

And he slipped again.

And he slipped again.

Fast forward to today. His drinking is completely out of control. He just finished serving 30 days in jail for a DWI. He has lost his business. He's in his forties, and works for $10/hour at a job that he has to walk to every day this winter in the Northeast. He's lost his license for a year, and after that, he'll have to install a special breathalyzer in his car at his own expense for the privilege of driving. He doesn't even want to think what his auto insurance rate will be. At $10/hour, driving again will probably turn out to be an unreachable goal, even after the State says it'll give him another chance.

Part of his DWI sentence includes probation for a number of years, including weekly visits to a State-ordered psychiatrist, which he has to shell out for each week -- again, all on a $10/hour salary.

When I first got into the program, an old-timer once told me people don't "slip" -- they subconsciously plan to take a drink weeks before they ever lift that glass. Taking the drink is simply the culmination of their slow withdrawal from the program over a time. Makes sense to me. I also believe slipping has to be about as much fun as a game of Russian Roulette. Step right up and try your luck. Will this be the spin that lodges the bullet in the firing chamber? One person will know for sure.

I think what has helped me stay sober, and thank God, not return to a life of alcoholism so far, is that I took the advice of people who came before me, and completely committed to AA. I'm no poster child for the program, but I get it done. Every morning I get up, I hit my knees, and pray.
Every morning I get up, I do my best to live by AA principles. In the beginning, I sometimes had to pray silently for a solid hour or more to stay sober. I did it. In the beginning, I sometimes had to go to two or three meetings in a day to stay sober. I did it. In the beginning, I sometimes had to white knuckle it to stay sober. I did it.

When I first got into the program, another AA member gave me a piece of advice to use for those times I found myself getting a little squirrely about the program, for those moments for when I began to wax esoteric about the season, or my circumstances, or the secret to the infinite mystery behind the grand scheme of things.

"Whatever you do, don't drink," he said.

Works for me.

-Joe@aalivechat.com